Living The Life You Want

Change: The Essence of Life

"Change is the essence of life.  Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."

-Tony Robbins

Living The Life You Want

Un Bel Di

by Gerald Locklin

 

Because my daughter's eighth-grade teachers

Are having what is called an "in-service day,"

Which means, in fact, an out-of-service day,

She is spending this Friday home with me,

So I get up in time to take us,

On this summery day in March,

For a light lunch at a legendary cafe;

Near the Yacht Marina.

Then we feed some ducks before catching

The cheap early-bird showing of

My Cousin Vinny, at which we share a

Dessert of a box of Milk Duds large

Enough to last us the entire show.

Afterwards we drive to a shoe-store to

Get her the Birkenstocks she's been coveting,

But they're out of her size in green; we leave

An order and stop for dinner at Norm Calvin's

Texas-style hole-in-the-wall barbeque rib factory.

When we get home I am smart enough

To downplay to my wife what a good day

We have had on our own. Later, saying

Goodnight to my little girl,

Already much taller than her mother,

I say, "Days like today are the favorite

Days of my life," and she knows

It is true.

 

Living The Life You Want

Failing and Flying

by Jack Gilbert

Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.

It's the same when love comes to an end,

or the marriage fails and people say

they knew it was a mistake, that everybody

said it would never work. That she was

old enough to know better. But anything

worth doing is worth doing badly.

Like being there by that summer ocean

on the other side of the island while

love was fading out of her, the stars

burning so extravagantly those nights that

anyone could tell you they would never last.

Every morning she was asleep in my bed

like a visitation, the gentleness in her

like antelope standing in the dawn mist.

Each afternoon I watched her coming back

through the hot stony field after swimming,

the sea light behind her and the huge sky

on the other side of that. Listened to her

while we ate lunch. How can they say

the marriage failed? Like the people who

came back from Provence (when it was Provence)

and said it was pretty but the food was greasy.

I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,

but just coming to the end of his triumph.

 

Living The Life You Want

Up In The Air

"How much did they pay you to give up on your dreams?"

It's the central question in one of the best scenes in Up In The Air, one of this year's movies nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture. 

Corporate consultant-hatchet man Ryan talks with Bob, whom he's just told is losing his job and Bob's not too happy.  Ryan is suddenly philosophical, reminding this pissed off stranger that he minored in French Culinary Arts and bussed tables at a fine Italian restaurant to support himself in school.  When he got out of college he took a dead-end white collar job that he just lost after years without much success.

"At what point were you going to stop and go back to what made you happy?" Ryan asks.  "I see guys who work for the same company their entire lives.  Clock in.  Clock out.  Never a moment of happiness.  Not everyone gets this kind of opportunity.  The chance for rebirth."

It's a classic call to adventure for Bob.  He's a fictitious character, but I'm sure that scene has sent chills down the spine of many in audiences around the world.  For some, Ryan's remarks may be about a job, for others they may be about unsatisfying relationships, and for still others they may be about a loss of energy and enthusiasm for life in general.   

Early in the conversation, Ryan lets Bob know he's not a shrink, he's "a wakeup call." 

And so he is.  For all of us.

http://petroskey.typepad.com

 

 

Bite-Sized Commitment: An Hour A Day

I finally saw the movie Julie & Julia.  I'm always wary to assume anything presented as "Based on a true story" (or in this case "Based on two true stories") is factually correct, but I do assume the real Julie Powell made a commitment over 365 days to cook 524 recipes from Julia Child's book Mastering the Art of French Cooking, created a blog, surprisingly gained a following, spurred further interest in Julia Child and her cooking, attracted a book agent and later saw her book become part of a movie.

What I found interesting is how simply committing to a process and combining things she had natural interest in (she loved to cook and she was an aspiring writer) led to such an extraordinary life adventure.  Her commitment, I'm sure, consumed hours of her days shopping for the right food, actually preparing the meals, eating and writing about her experience.  That's probably more than most of us are able to take on, especially with kids.  Julie Powell had a supportive husband who was also involved in helping her succeed, and no one to parent but herself.

But don't we all have an hour a day to do something we love?  It may require one less hour of sleep, or it simply may require setting a boundary with the rest of the world and making a commitment to the idea that whatever meaning you find in your activity is valuable.  I'm pretty sure if everyone gave an hour a day to something uniquely meaningful to them, something that develops a sense of accomplishment over time, the world would be a much happier place.

Adding to my own happiness, I'm going with the family today down to the National Museum of American History.  I'm sure we'll spend plenty of time at the Julia Child exhibit.

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The Circus of '76

Thirty-four years ago arbitrator Peter Seitz ruled that baseball clubs could renew a player's contract for only one year, effectively elminating the reserve clause that gave teams exclusive control over a player's fortunes. 

What is most fascinating to me about the situation in 1976 is that by the time spring training started that year at least 150 players, or 25 percent of all big leaguers, had not signed a contract, including several of the game's biggest stars.  The year before only 10 players were unsigned at the same point.   When those who eventually went the entire year unsigned (despite fear of injury leading to lost livelihood) and opted for free agency, 15 teams signed players to contracts totalling more than $24.5 million.  It was only the beginning.  Today, individual stars earn more than $20 million a year by themselves.

It's easy to see today's numbers and think ballplayers have it made.  But it wasn't always that way.  It took a few courageous individuals, notably Curt Flood and Andy Messersmith, to buck the system and open the door for players to be compensated for their fair value. 

The Blind Side

As a fan of Michael Lewis' Moneyball and Liar's Poker, I had been meaning to get around to reading his book, The Blind Side: Evolution of A Game, for the past year.  While millions of people have been lining up at theaters to see the movie based on the book, I decided to finally see what was on the page. 

The story is remarkable on so many levels, but I couldn't help realizing it is ultimately the story of the abundant good that can come from sacrifice and following the call to adventure.  The Tuohy family very likely saved a life and has served as an inspiration for all of us to lend support where it is needed.  Michael Oher changed the paradigm of his thinking and did the work necessary to connect with strangers and give his remarkable athletic gifts a chance to be recognized and fully valued.  In the process, he has added more love to a family's capacity and this year helped the Baltimore Ravens reach the playoffs.  And Michael Lewis uprooted himself and his own family's life to chronicle the journey and share it for the world's wonder. 

I found myself last Sunday watching the Baltimore Ravens game with the sole purpose of watching Michael Oher.  Similar to Lewis' observation in the last line of his author's note, I'll be cheering for him, I assume, for a long time to come.

Emily's Adventure

Today's post is in honor of my daughter Emily, who tomorrow hops on a plane to England to continue life as a student, but in a country she's never been to and at a university considered to be among the most challenging in the world.  I wish I could take some credit for this new adventure, but in truth it's been entirely her own doing. 

Her quest to live the life she wants was ingrained long before I first met her when she was just shy of seven years old.  She's been an Anglophile since she blistered through the Harry Potter books when she was eight, maybe nine, and developed a huge crush on Daniel Radcliffe when the first movie came out.  Since then she has avidly pursued being knowledgeable about all aspects of the British rock scene (thanks to her I knew about Busted, McFly and Fightstar long before a guy my age ever should), actors (she's particularly fond of Colin Firth, Jude Law and still Dan Radcliffe, as far as I know) and the pop culture in general, so I suspect she's going to make a fast and smooth transition to her knew surroundings. 

She's going to study psychology, but will no doubt have at least as much fun jamming on her guitar with British musicians (she's already had one of her songs recorded by the Hexapolerods, an indie group). 

I've always been proud of her in so many ways, but never more than now as she takes a flying leap across the pond to see what new life awaits.  As are all great adventures, it will be a learning experience in every way.  As the Brits say: brilliant.

The Call To Adventure

Those who have followed this blog since the beginning are aware of the regard I have for mythologist Joseph Campbell's work.  In A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living, Diane Osbon captures Campbell's teachings through his books and seminars in a sort of condensed "greatest hits" package that is highly readable and much recommended. 

The following is Campbell's own summary of the "call to adventure," moments in all stories and in all of our lives that have profound implications for helping us go forth in more meaningful ways:

"The hero's journey always begins with the call.  One way or another, a guide must come to say, "Look, you're in Sleepy Land.  Wake.  Come on a trip.  There is a whole aspect of your consciousness, your being, that's not being touched.  So you're at home here?  Well, there's not enough of you there."  And so it starts ....

"When one thinks of some reason for not going [on the adventure] or has fear and remains in society because it's safe, the results are radically different than from what happens when someone follows the call.  If you refuse to go, then you are someone else's servant.  When this refusal of the call happens, there is a kind of drying up, a sense of life lost.  Everything in you knows that a required adventure has been refused.  Anxieties build up.  What you have refused to experience in a positive way, you will experience in a negative way.

"If what you are following, however, is your own true adventure, it is something appropriate to your deep spiritual need or readiness, then magical guides will appear to help you.  If you say, "Everyone's going on this trip this year, and I'm going too," then no guides will appear.  Your adventure has to be coming right out of your own interior.  If you are ready for it, then doors will open where there were no doors before, and where there would not be doors for anyone else.  And you must have courage.  It's the call to adventure, which means there is no security, no rules." 

I'd love to hear about any calls to adventure you may have experienced and how doors opened where you didn't know they were going to be, simply because you knew you were on the right path.

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The Call To Adventure: Family-Style

I've written in the past about how accepting the call to adventure is an essential element in living a meaningful life.  Well, the call comes in all shapes and sizes, and all situations.

This month, for instance, my oldest daughter embarks on a journey across the pond to leave a fine American university to study at another fine university in England.  My second oldest daughter begins her senior year in high school and soon will be deciding where her own college education will begin.

The third oldest daughter begins sixth grade, which means she enters middle school and begins to grapple with all of the complications associated with that experience.  And my youngest daughter is in school for the first time without an older sister as a safety net.

Needless to say, they are all wonderful new opportunities that will undoubtedly be growing experiences for all of us.  But they will also challenge and test all of us, no doubt, in unexpected ways.  Let the adventures begin ...